Years ago, I asked my grandmother to describe the personality of an uncle who was a trombone soloist for Arthur Pryor. His exploits were somewhat legendary but I was interested in who he was as a person. She suggested I watch The Lost Weekend with Ray Milland and Jane Wyman to really know what he was like. I doubt she intended it to serve as an instruction manual but I have a long history of learning the wrong lessons.
I wasn’t okay on Friday. I don’t know why and frankly, I don’t think there needs to be a why. I felt like I needed to unplug. The human race had disappointed me and my plan to recover involved two days of whiskey and skincare. No working on my family tree, no going out in public, and possibly turning my phone off for the entire weekend. I just wanted to stay home and watch Season 2 of The OA on Netflix. If it sounds stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.
So rather than telling myself to suck it up, I leaned in to the suck and a funny thing happened. After consuming precisely four ounces of Jameson Friday night (counting calories!), I woke up Saturday morning with a different agenda. I drank half a pot of espresso and did some yoga. I brushed the dogs and did some pilates. I drank precisely two beers (still counting calories!) and did some light lifting. Skincare products were applied. And yes, I watched a few episodes of The OA. That was weird.
Sometimes adult decisions sneak up on us when we’re not paying attention. I worked out again on Sunday. I cleaned my kitchen and both bathrooms. I cleaned out my Jeep and even put leather conditioner on the seats. More skincare products were applied. And I consumed two more beers (always counting calories!) as a reward for picking up after the dogs in the backyard.
I went into the weekend fully intending to be a self-destructive, self-pitying mess. I came out with a clean-ish house and no dietary regrets. My therapist is constantly saying “notice that” whenever I have a feeling. So I did. I noticed I had too many projects going at once and I took a break. There are some things I have been trying to force and I stopped trying, at least for the moment. And I saved my liver from impending doom…at least until the next bad day.
So…. this really spoke to me… I had a recent shitty situation happen to me at work… like shitty… blindsided
and you know what I been doing lately? I been keeping myself so damn busy like SUPER productive doing this and that …things I normally don’t do and going why am I suddenly super productive getting things I been wanting to do or put off etc… is it to get my mind off things? funny thing is…it really has helped in zenning me out or keeping me from just myself honestly
I am slowing down though and it freaks me out
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