Not Gonna Do It

How do people write when they don’t feel like it? I remember watching Carrie Bradshaw sit in front of her computer with the cursor blinking on a blank document and that feels like my entire life. Am I too sober?

I’m planning a trip to DC that requires a particular wardrobe so I’m stressing out over every detail. I’ve been mass-murdering yellow jackets that insist upon attaching themselves to my house. And my eyebrows are not growing out in an attractive manner. I’m not interesting and I’m not particularly creative. I can’t even talk myself into writing reviews on Influenster.

Zero inspiration. None.

I adore Yashar Ali. You guys know him, right? I follow Yashar on Twitter and Instagram and the man ALWAYS has something to say. I mean his food takes are fucking terrible but other than that, he’s an absolute gem. But how the hell does he always have something to say? I’m amazed by the prolific tweeters. I think I follow under 200 accounts on my main Twitter and I spend most of my time just absorbing everything. How do you even formulate an opinion on all of the shit that flies across your timeline? I’m having an A+ day if I can manage to retweet a few lost and found dogs in Tucson.

I have the same problem with Instagram. Being a thirsty bitch is a lot of fucking work. I don’t think I’m cut out for it. It’s like when I tell women to never chase a man. I think we should probably also never chase clicks and likes. It seems unhealthy. And yet, here we are.

So a clever and well-thought-out post isn’t happening today, friends.

All you have to do is not be crazy

Back in the MySpace days, I blogged about News & Politics nearly nonstop. I mean, I took a break each week for Buddha Mama’s Sex Blog Thursday topic but mostly, I was all about whatever crazy ish was in the news. Remember “First!” and “Balls!” So stupid.

I am a Twitter addict. Yes, it’s a cesspool. Yes, it’s unhealthy. But I freaking love it. I love watching people argue over boring policy positions in one tweet and then post adorable dog pics in the next. I love how many people have Twitter parents (@benshapiro / @neontaster and @senatorshoshana / @RadioFreeTom are my favorites). I especially love how journalists and politicians access their audiences directly…yes, even THAT one.

If you use Twitter, you are familiar with the quote retweet. A common quote is “All they have to do is not be crazy.” It’s kind of like “You only had one job.” The obvious problem with all of this is crazy sells. People on the Left and the Right are so damned eager to grab a rising star and use them as the face of their movement. That reminds me of another common Twitter quote: “Grifters gonna grift.”

When people start attracting attention, that flips the crazy switch. They quickly realize they have to give their audience MOAR MUHTERIAL or people will tune out. The Left shifts farther to the left and the Right shifts farther to the right. Those of us who just keep saying the things we have always said are left wondering WTF just happened.

I’m old enough to remember when Republicans and Democrats mostly wanted the same things and their disagreement was generally about the best way to achieve those things. Bipartisanship was to be celebrated rather than condemned. Now, the opposition is the ENEMY WHICH MUST BE DEFEATED. Just like “First!” or “Balls!”, it’s all very stupid. It’s also why I’ve tried to avoid writing about it because can’t we just have one thing that isn’t political?

I’ve had enough of the crazy but I have a feeling we’re just getting started. What’s next? A cage match rather than a roll call vote? A Bachelor-style show for Senate elections in which they compete each week for a yellow rose to symbolize freedom? Senate rejects then turn around and have their own show to run for the House? My brain hurts.

Can we talk for a minute about unenumerated rights and that raw, hot originalism? I’m ready for some boring policy documents. Who’s with me?

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